Preparation for Marriage
Weeks Prior to the Ceremony
- Take good notes each time you meet with a couple. Don’t trust yourself to remember anything.
- One of the questions asked in the original survey pertains to the bride & groom’s preference for what they would like me to wear. Since I perform so many weddings, I own a couple of tuxes, but usually a dark suit is fine. But on occasion they will have a special request. For example, if it’s a beach wedding they may want me to dress a little more casual. I also ask about the colors of the wedding to see if I can coordinate a tie, pocket square, etc. And finally, I ask if they have purchased a boutonniere that they would like me to wear.
- The bride and groom will likely send you and invitation or ask you if you plan to attend the rehearsal dinner (usually held after the rehearsal). This is up to you, based on how well you know the wedding party.
- I have performed hundreds of weddings, so it is rare that I use notes. But when I first got started I would use a Bible or nice looking journal and I would fasten my outline and notes to the inside.
- Laws vary from state to state, so if you are asked to perform a wedding out of state, be sure to contact a courthouse in that state to find out what they require so that you are recognized as an approved officiant.
At the Rehearsal
Example: If the couple wants to participate in Communion, make sure they have designated someone to bring the supplies. Determine exactly how they want it served. Will the minister serve to the groom and the groom to the bride or will the minister serve both? Will the bride and groom eat the bread and drink from the cup or dip the bread in the cup? Will the bride & groom move to a separate table to participate, or will the elements be directly behind the minister who will pick up the elements while the bride & groom stay in position? If the bride and groom plan to move to a separate location, make sure they know which route they will take. They need to make sure her dress does not wrap around the table legs. The wedding party may also need to clear a path and make sure her dress doesn’t get tangled. The more you can talk through the smallest detail, the smoother the ceremony will be.
- Sometimes you will have a very experienced wedding director, and sometimes not. Don’t overstep your role, but you may at times want to offer a hand at the rehearsal in helping everyone know what to do.
- I always ask the wedding director to please make sure he or she secures the marriage license BEFORE the ceremony. I then sign the marriage license immediately when the ceremony ends and give it back to the wedding director who should then make sure it is returned to the bride and groom.
- Verify the last person to walk out and know what announcements the bride and groom would like you to make as a way to dismiss the crowd. Oftentimes they want you to invite everyone to the reception with any relevant instructions. Sometimes they want you to make an announcement about photographs, and sometimes they want you to give instructions about the meal, say a blessing, etc.
- Make it easy on the bride & groom by making every transition obvious. They shouldn’t have to remember much, if possible. At the rehearsal, I don’t talk through the lines of the ceremony, but I do walk them through the transitions. Make sure every detail is covered.
Example: If the couple wants to participate in Communion, make sure they have designated someone to bring the supplies. Determine exactly how they want it served. Will the minister serve to the groom and the groom to the bride or will the minister serve both? Will the bride and groom eat the bread and drink from the cup or dip the bread in the cup? Will the bride & groom move to a separate table to participate, or will the elements be directly behind the minister who will pick up the elements while the bride & groom stay in position? If the bride and groom plan to move to a separate location, make sure they know which route they will take. They need to make sure her dress does not wrap around the table legs. The wedding party may also need to clear a path and make sure her dress doesn’t get tangled. The more you can talk through the smallest detail, the smoother the ceremony will be.
The Day of the Ceremony
- I arrive early enough to talk through one final time all elements and transitions with the director, sound technician, and videographer (if applicable). I make sure the sound engineers and I are very much in sync with transitions. I have the director help me pin the boutonniere (if they have one for me to wear). If the sounds engineer wants me to wear a microphone, I run the wires so that they are as inconspicuous as possible. Sometimes the videographer will also want you to wear a microphone for the video recording.
- Just before the ceremony, I usually pray with the groom and groomsmen when we huddle together. I will check to make sure no one is chewing gum, make sure the best man has the ring, and also help them make any adjustments to their suit or tux.
- Note: If the bride requests that the congregation be notified not to use cell phones, this is a job best suited for the wedding director just before the ceremony is ready to begin.
After the Ceremony
- Sign the marriage license as soon as the ceremony ends. I usually then give it back to the director and ask that he or she make sure the couple gets it so they can send it back into the courthouse.
- Return all microphones, etc. to the appropriate people.
- You may choose to discreetly ask the photographer if he or she wants you to stick around to take a photo with the bride & groom. If so, you might want to request to take that photo first, as photo sessions can last quite a while.
- If possible, and especially if you are close to members of the weddings party, it is courteous to attend the reception and interact with the family and friends. Don’t feel like you have to stay until the very end though unless you are very close to the wedding party.